I am sorry. When I first started this I thought this would be easy. This is something which won’t be left behind like the countless others. But suddenly life just ran too fast. That means there was just too much work to be done, too many duties to attend to, too many dreams to be crushed. And I left the Blog behind.
Mine is a peculiar position. I live in Bangladesh, a country where life is, let’s say, in the middle of too good and too bad. It’s not as good as a first world country but, hey we have uncensored internet and get to watch Hollywood movies pretty soon in the Cinemas. And it’s not as bad as many third world countries either, we have terrorists but they don’t blow themselves up in public and also no foreign armed forces on our soil. We manage as best we can with what we have.
In third world countries the safest job is Government job. Civil Service is something many desire and those who don’t are brainwashed into the same mentality after a while. Literally every literate person takes the exam. So I have to take Civil Services Exam. The curriculum is stupid, mind bogglingly unimportant for my later life as an employee of the government if I pass. And that’s just so much frustrating on various levels, because I also need to have a Post Graduation degree for my chosen profession if I ever want to be in any position of comfort in life. And getting a post-grad degree is time-consuming and chances of getting one are very, very VERY thin. Every year only 4 or 5% people (of my profession) get admitted let alone pass. And how many take the exam? Thousands.
Choices, choices, so many choices.
I know taste of melancholy all too well. Depression, mood swings, these I faced and I think I left them by the road some time during last couple of years. But even in a fast-moving life ennui can creep in. And let me be honest, watching all those relationship status changes on Facebook has their effect. I wanted to be involved again. And I realized everything has a price. Dreams destroy dreams.